Older Women: How to Relate to Younger Women

You see them, younger women, decorated with the latest fashions, giggling amongst friends, tossing their hair, shifting their body in ways that taunt men, and some of you either reflect on your youth when you see them or turn away in disgust passing judgment. As one older woman put it, “Older women you had your day too!” That’s right and some older women are still having “their day” even if they look ridiculous doing it. Gray hair, lines, wrinkles, age spots, and other signs that come with age just doesn’t flatter an outfit that was specifically designed for a young woman in her twenties. But some women try very hard to fit in with the younger crowd rather than be an example. So what is it that older women should be doing or saying to usher the younger women into maturity other than scolding them or gossiping about them? You will find answers to this question in the Book of Ruth, as quoted from the New King James Bible.


For those of you who are not familiar with the story, to summarize it briefly, it is a story about a relationship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law. The mother-in-law, Naomi, lost her husband and sons to death which resulted in her two daughters-in-law and herself becoming widows. After her husband and sons passing, Naomi, decided that she would return to her hometown without her daughters-in-law. According to the scripture, she tells them, “Go return each to her mother’s house. The Lord deal kindly with you as, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband.” Ruth 1:8. But her daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth, objected. They said to her, “Surely we will return with you to your people.” Ruth 1:10. After reading this biblical text, one can reason that in preset days, when it comes to not only relationships similar to this one between in-laws, but also with older and younger women, that older women are telling younger women, “You can’ t go with me. Go find a man and leave me alone.” You see, these older women have had heartbreaking issues, just as Naomi did, in their lives from dealing with health related problems due to age to partners running away with younger women or even dying and all these older women want is to be left alone! What they don’t realize is through their pain they can be a blessing to these younger women which we see later in the passages of scripture.

So Orpah and Ruth aren’t taking Naomi’s subtle rejection lightly. But Naomi isn’t giving into them easily and tries to provide them with the benefits of not going along with her on her trip back home. Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Are there still sons in my womb, that they may be your husband’s? ‘Turn back, my daughters, go – for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, if I should have a husband tonight and should also bear sons, would you wait for them till they were grown? Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? No, my daughters; for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord has gone against me!” Ruth 1:11-13. Sometimes older women provide a list of reasons as to why they can’t or won’t do something, just as Naomi did with her daughters-in-law. The old adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” seems to be befitting here since she is acting stubbornly. Although as intelligent as the reasons may sound that Naomi gives her daughters-in-law, the information is useless to the younger women. With all the years of life experience, some older women tend to avoid opportunities to share life lessons with younger women. Like Naomi, they will reject younger women in subtle ways or boldly.

Eventually, Naomi’s efforts successfully turned one young woman away and that was Orpah. The Bible says that she cried, kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. Ruth 1:14. Sometimes an older woman’s reactions will push a younger woman away rather than draw her near. However, Ruth wasn’t buying into Naomi’s rhetoric. There are young women who are in older women’s lives clinging to them! These older women have done everything to try to keep them away! Whether she is the girlfriend of the son, the young co-worker, the relative or the neighbor, she keeps coming around the older woman. Some younger women may be a nuisance to the older women by doing the following: calling her on the phone, repeatedly asking to go out to lunch with them, following them to an event, or even sitting beside them in church making small talk when they rather be left alone. Naomi told Ruth after she clung to her, “Look your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” It is safe to say that God had ordered Ruth’s steps to stay with Naomi just as that nuisance of a younger woman today has been ordered to stay in the presence of the older woman. So after rejecting her daughter-in-law, Naomi did in this next passage of scripture what older women should be doing today, she listened to Ruth. “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you will die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.” After Ruth responded to Naomi’s rejection, the Bible says she stopped speaking to her. Sometimes an older woman will have to stop resisting the efforts a younger woman is making to befriend her!

The biblical story of Ruth and Naomi’s relationship, a younger woman and an older woman, should be an inspiration to those of you who think that you must only have relationships with women your own age. Ruth’s youthful energy is evident as you read more scripture; she actually worked in the field and brought what she earned back to Naomi. Naomi realized the blessing she had in Ruth. Some older women have been missing out on wonderful opportunities both personally and professionally, because they just don’t realize the gold mine they can receive when partnering with some younger women! She may be the connection that will give you the following: a husband, the increase in income that you have been praying about, the companion that you need to attend functions, and so much more! Naomi received Ruth and realized the many blessings she was due to gain in the future. A relative bought a field from Naomi as a result of her teaching Ruth.  In addition, her daughter-in-law was a good listener and received wise counsel from her elder. When an older woman takes the time to teach a younger woman a few things about life, she may gain from the teaching that she has given to the younger woman.

Naomi and Ruth’s relationship is an exceptional example of how older women and younger women should relate to one another. If older women followed this biblical teaching, there would be less eye rolling, gossiping, and angry feelings toward younger women. If one cannot be a blessing to those around them, then it is better to just stop speaking and do more listening as Naomi did with Ruth in the beginning of their relationship.

Parents Sending Children to Church But They Aren't Going, Why?

Years ago you may have been the child told to go to church while your parents stayed home. You may have wondered why was it that your parents felt it all too important to send you, but they didn't go. The church experience is what many parents desire for their children because they feel it helps them spiritually. They believe that teaching children good morals to live by will make them overall good citizens. However, when the church experience is not a positive one, it doesn't matter what well-meaning intentions the parents might have had, the child is left scarred possibly for life. He or she may never return back to a church setting or to God. So why might parents send children off to church in the first place, but not go themselves?

One. Local church good for the children, but not for the parents.

There may be positive talk amongst neighbors and friends about a local church, so parents may take their children to the services. Things may go on at the church that are fun for the children such as a movie night, game days, and pizza parties. However, the same church may not have activities for the adults that are very positive. From bad bible studies to argumentative members, the parents may have felt disheartened about visiting again. Yet, they like what the church is doing for the children, so they allow their own sons and/or daughters to continue to go.

Two. A needed break from children.

Some parents have no time away from the children through the week except when they work. Other parents may not have a job, but stay-at-home with young children each day. So what better way to get some free time from their sons and daughters? They will send them to a church where they feel they can trust most of the people. The parents gain about an hour or more to themselves this way.

Three. They falsely assume that the children will turn out better than themselves.

There are those parents who believe that if they can establish a Christian foundation with their children by sending them off to church that they will turn out better than they did. However, that all depends on two things: is the parents living model lives and is the church experience going to be a positive one as mentioned previously? If the parents aren't practicing what they preach, the children will most likely mimic the parent's behavior. If the parents are strict about sending the child to church and then once they arrive the church is strict about teaching them, they will not enjoy learning. Peers can make or break a church experience as well especially if the child is being bullied and teased during the study. The atmosphere tends to be at times more relaxed than school which allows for more opening up of one's feelings which also leaves plenty of room for others to hurt the individual emotionally. Not only that, not every person is sincerely a believer teaching these bible studies which should be cause for concern. We have all heard the reports of sexual abuse in the church. When a child has any or all of these negative experiences in the church, he or she may actually turn out worse than the parents.

Four. Parents believe change is good for the children, but not for them.

The parents want their children to get involved in the church because they believe it is good for them. However, when it comes to committing to the church and all the responsibilities that may come with it (like assisting with the children's ministry, singing in the choir, and greeting church-goers) they aren't interested. Parents know that they will eventually have to sacrifice time and money, both of which they have little of.
Five. Pressure from family and/or friends to send children.

Grandma sent her children to church. So did an aunt and a cousin in the same family send their children to the same church. So a family will expect other generations to follow suit. Sometimes parents will send their children to church because everyone else around them is going and they don't want to be the one talked about in circles for not sending at least the children. This is not the greatest reason for sending children to church, but this is what some parents will do.

Now that you have some idea why parents will send their children to church while they remain distant, understand that the children can still win their parents to Christ if they remain faithful. God has a way of using children to fulfill His will.

15 Reasons Some Churches Should Close

During a time when most churches should stay open, it is actually beneficial to the church body at large to close them. Why you may ask? Because if a church is not going to obedient to the word of God, be led by the Holy Spirit, and work to uplift a community and help to reform its people, then close it!

One. Every Sunday church is a big party. The leadership is always on the road and guest speakers are doing the pastor's job.

It may seem on the surface that the church should stay open. People seem to be having a good time. However, no where in the scripture does God command us to have a good time. If anything, most of the books in the Bible talk about God doing or saying something in the Bible to convict, condemn, uplift or renew a person spiritually. If God has appointed a shepherd for his flock, then why are sheep grazing in unknown territory where wolves are abound? Sometimes the wolf shows up and becomes the shepherd? So if the church is looking to have fun, allow for their shepherd to go here and there, and appoint others less experienced to run the show, why not turn the group into a social club?

Two. Biblical truth is not being taught.

With each passing Saturday or Sunday, the church is skipping over scripture, editing scripture, changing Bibles so as to find a more accepting passage of scripture, and doing other things with scripture that God would frown upon, why bother to call your church a church? No matter how unpopular the text, stick to the script! Don't change it because man/woman is offended.

Three. The leadership/board members are consistently doing something that is totally against the will of God.

God teaches mercy and forgiveness, but he also is a just God. He knows we are sinful and that within each of us we are rebellious. So with that said, when you know church leadership will not behave in the way that God wants us to, then why keep following them? In time, their burdens will fall upon you along with God's wrath. We are to stay away from workers of iniquity.

Four. Members physically fighting in the church.

When you find that people are allowed to fight in the church with little or no input from staff, there is a problem. Sometimes the staff is responsible when this happens, one ought to find a church with less distractions. The enemy loves to create distractions to keep you from focusing on God.

Five. Tithe money finds only the leadership's income, while everything else in the church suffers.

The building is falling apart, the choir needs new robes, there is no working instruments, lighting is terrible, and the air conditioner is non-existent. Yet, the church leadership is getting paid. There is a problem, someone or group doesn't have their priorities straight. If the building is suppose to honor God, then the church has a funny way of showing it!

Six. Members do not go outside of the church to do anything God-related.

How can you call yourself a Christian when you do nothing but go to church? There is no talk of God outside of the church. No sharing any messages to encourage others. No invites to your church home. There is absolutely nothing going on that says, “God wants you!” This is a good enough reason to re-evaluate whether your church is really about serving the Lord or serving yourselves.

Seven. No assistance from congregation on matters of significance. Leadership is often disputing.

So you tried to talk some sense into your brother and/or sister in Christ, but no one is listening. Others have tried to do some positive things to get the church moving in the right direction, but all anyone wants to do is argue. Close the church and re-open it when everyone on staff knows their role.

Eight. Lack of attendance and a handful of dedicated members.

Why does one need a church building that seats hundreds for a few members who could fit into someone's living-room? God doesn't care about man's tradition such as how long he has had the church in his family. God cares about saving souls. Give up the church to a God-ordained minister who can fill it up and meet at someone's home.

Nine. Problems budgeting the church finances.

No matter what anyone does, the church continues to have problems paying the bills. Why continue to rack debt and worry over keeping utilities on when one can't figure out the church finances? Close the church until you have a team of people who know what they are doing.

Ten. Repetitive maintenance issues.

People of God can put others at risk when they continue to take chances seating people in churches that have building issues. From environmental allergies due insects in the kitchen, don't keep a church open that has these kinds of problems. Otherwise in time, the church just might be hit with a lawsuit.

Eleven. Children are running the church.

The biggest misconception about children is that they are innocent. They are capable of doing evil just like any other person; therefore, they should never be trusted to run a church. If the only “holy” person you can find in your church is a child, then it's obvious it is time to close your doors.

Twelve. Loans are being taken out to pay for every bill accrued by the membership.

As soon as the blessings come in, there is a collector with his or her hands open. This was never God's intention when he called his workers to open his church. Unless church staff can find another way to stay out of debt other than borrowing money, then it should close. Why? Because it's only a matter of time that the church will start becoming money-centered rather than God-centered in order to keep people interested enough to donate. See article on “The Church Building and Rising Debt” written by Nicholl McGuire.

Thirteen. People worship the building by believing that God is only present in the church.

This type of behavior borders on the line of witchcraft and idol worship. God is everywhere! We can't limit him to a church building. When a congregation is spending more time living in the church; rather than being home with their families, there is a spiritual problem. If the building is causing you to sin, cut it off!

Fourteen. There is no one spiritually gifted in the church.

What's a church without spiritually gifted people? Those that are appointed by God should be able to share all gifts! Not select ones just because others may not have those gifts. Test the spirits and help those spiritually gifted to become stronger within the church body.

Fifteen. The church is lukewarm.

God talks about lukewarm churches is his Bible. He spits them out. When a church is barely making it, and no one is being impacted, say a prayer, plan a date for close and simply walk away. You will get fed more reading the word with two or three than with a group that could care less about God or His word.

If you are a part of a group or leading one and you are finding it increasingly difficult to move ahead according to God's will, go to him with your church issues and ask him to lead you and/or your group in the right direction.

Read Isaiah 51 and if you should have to speak boldly before a group about what you have learned, keep in mind, God is on your side.

The Church Building and Rising Debt

Not everyone can handle a church building. If they could, they wouldn't routinely ask for church donations to pay for a leaking roof or electricity bill. So why is it that the church continues to rack up outlandish debt in the name of our Father?

The reasons are very simple. Like any secular organization, the church has a business plan. This plan illustrates the expenses to have workers, building utilities and equipment. With rising costs for each, the church has to find a way to finance everyone and everything. In most cases, the church leadership are the only ones who are paid significantly. Therefore, the church will use any means to keep its organization financed. Hosting fellowships, inviting guest speakers and performers to special events such as: National Day of Prayer, Mother and Father's Day, children's activities and similar celebrations.

The bigger the congregation, the more expensive everything becomes. God's will goes out the window and before long, its man's will. With this in mind, God's church is no longer a small church of true believers; instead, His church has become a circus of unbelievers looking for their future mates, tithing for selfish gains, foolishly dancing and singing about a God they don't know and wasting precious dollars on parades, marches and literature on a god whose always asking for money. The church elder will then encourage the board to take out loans to pay for a new building project, community event, trip around the world, or buy he and his family a new car and/or home. If the church can afford to pay the elder a stipend he/she will get that too. But if the church can't afford to pay the elder, without taking out loans to keep up the bills, then there are problems both spiritually and financially. Membership decreases, the pressure to alter messages to keep existing members, create more community targeted programs, and other things not God-focused take center stage.

According to writer, Bernd Neumann and member of the Christian Democrat Union (CDU), “Debt doesn't glorify God.” He writes, “If God condemns the unbelievers for not glorifying Him (Romans 1:18-21,) then certainly the church needs to glorify Him...God has promised that he will provide for all the needs of his people. Debt is a burden, not provision...God does not supply for our need through another need, the need to repay a debt.”

With this statement, churches are way in over their heads. They encourage “donations” and they try to arise guilt in some to get them to pay their tithes. Why should a church body be made to pay bills accrued by church board members? Some members move on to other churches leaving debt behind.

“A church member can vote today during a church business meeting for the church to assume a debt, but that same church member can leave the church tomorrow and not be personally responsible for this debt,” Neumann states. “The church might be burdened with debts for decades to come, and the people who incurred the debt are long gone. The repayment of the loan will be pushed on people who will join the church in the future. Those people are not even told when they join that there is a debt.”

Biblical foundations are designed for the church congregation are being destroyed by the 'charlatan' believer. For instance, the Apostle Paul writes to the Galatians, “Stand fast there in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” Debt is bondage, tithing to pay debts is also bondage. Neumann writes, “Anyone who preaches a “gospel” of debt, and how it supposedly is God's will to do his work with debt, preaches a false gospel and brings himself under condemnation of preaching a false gospel. God's judgment in this matter is severe (Galatians 1:8-9.)”

Other Biblical principles to read on borrowing money are listed below:

Psalm 37:21
Luke 6:34
Proverbs 22:7
Matthew 6:24
Proverbs 22:21

Urgent Prayers

You say you need something to happen in your life with urgency. So you go to God with your requests. Before long, you are wondering why does it seem that everything you prayed for is happening so fast that you can barely catch your breath. The reason is very simple, you and God were in a agreement with your prayer requests, so now you must do your part--put some pep in your step! But you say, "I'm not ready..." Remember God's time isn't on your time.

You see we put an urgency stamp on prayers that we aren't willing to run toward. We can't keep it up, we run out of breath after the first 50 yards. God is moving ahead and leaving us behind! If we don't run behind our Father like a child does in order to keep up, we might feel like daddy is leaving us behind.

Some of you wanted God to move on your behalf years ago and now it is your season and you are dragging your feet. Taking your sweet time about making phone calls, mailing documents, signing paperwork, and more! What's the hold up? You asked God to do things and now you aren't ready? "Well I don't know, I mean is this real...is God really in the plan? I have to be sure. Maybe I should wait on it." Your period of waiting may have long been over. A good way to know whether this is your time is when you start looking around to see everything you are currently doing is coming to an end. There is no more opportunities but the one in front of you. No more advisers to talk to and speak positively about your situation. There is no one who will take you by the hand anymore. It's just you, God and the plan.

Don't pray daily if you aren't really ready for what God has in store. You wanted a better life and you got it. You wanted a better man and you got him. You wanted a wife and you got her. You wanted a better job, a nicer home, and on and on. Now you got it, so what are you waiting for? You keep dragging your feet and before you know it, that blessing that is here today will be gone tomorrow. Run the race.