Soon is Not Your Soon

Pastor said, "He's coming soon!"
While he looked up at the moon.

No Jesus is not.
That's your own thought.

Did he call you on the phone,
while you signed your name to a loan?

Did he tell you next week,
before you took that faith leap?

Listening to he instead of He
don't bind me up, I like to be free!

Talking too much pastor, better shut up!
Lies are swirling in that drink in your cup!

God didn't give you nor I a day or a time.
But it sounds real nice coming from a mime.

"Been waiting on God since '69," said one lady.
"Been looking for Jesus everyday," said a baby.

You thought you heard from God,
but I think you need his rod.

You know what you're doing is just for show.
Need to fill those pockets, so why not say so!

Your mouth is running too fast, feeling good all over!
Using your family and staff like a dog named Rover!

You know what God does to those liars.
Looks like you will be putting out fires.

Soon is not your soon.
While your preaching to the moon.

This home is not your home.
Taking orders from the dome.

But God...but God!
Please go get your rod!

What About Laboring to Love Myself?

While there are many who are in love with self, worship and even honor self, there are many more who could careless about self. Both expressions of loving or lacking love of self are extreme, but it happens.

I wrote a book entitled, Laboring to Love Myself by Nicholl McGuire available at Amazon.com, because after going through domestic and dating violence at the ripe age of 21, I realized for me to allow someone to come into my life and totally dominate it, I didn't think too much of myself in the first place, but thought the world of the person coming in. A love like that is deadly! It is also extreme and lacks balance. In the end, it is emotionally draining and robs you of all self-awareness, self-acceptance and so many other self-protective mechanisms created to guard your heart.

So my new book, Laboring to Love Myself, is a continuation from the first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. In this book, I am coping with learning how to love myself even in the midst of beating myself up for having made such a bad relationship decision at a mere 21 years old. You see, victims of dating and domestic violence not only deal with the abuse from others, but they also abuse themselves as well.

When abused victims do something wrong, they don't easily forgive themselves. Their mistake(s) follow them for days, nights, weeks, and worse yet, years from now! Many are perfectionist types, the kind of people who have to make sure everything is well-thought out, planned, executed on time, and always in order. When things fall apart, they don't always know how to fix them, especially if it is beyond their control, so rather than just walk away or delegate the task to someone else like "normal" people do, they keep working at problems even though they may be a lost cause or out of their control (ie. bad partnerships, bad friendships, bad relationships, bad relatives, bad deals.)

So in Laboring to Love Myself, I am fresh out of an abusive relationship during the late 90s and ready to face the world as a single, happy and renewed woman! I have been saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled with alot to learn. In this poetry memoir, I take you on what I consider the cliff notes of my spiritual quest to get back to loving me "in spite of" with no conditions just being me! You will walk with me into the new millennium and witness an interesting turn that occurs in my life resulting in me bringing life into this world.

Feel free to journey with me on what it means to love oneself and how I relied on God in the process, Laboring to Love Myself, Amazon.com and take a look at my blog:
LaboringToLoveAnAbusiveMate.blogspot.com

Inside of Me I Know There is a Living God

In my soul, I know
He use to be my foe
But I had let him in
It was an easy win
A place for me he made
I knew my sin would fade
No longer would I hide
Behind eyes that cried
I know Him in my soul
This is my life's goal
Pleasing my teacher
He gave me this feature
Yes, God is inside that old devil just lied!

A New Beginning

Blessings of joy
Heartfelt laughter
Words of guidance
Positive thinking
Uplifting melodies
An appreciation of life
Captivating love
A sense of security
Peaceful places
Moments with God
A humbled soul.

Conversations with God

Apply the principles
Seek evidence
Look for movement
Listen for sound
Smell for familiarity
Realize the difference
Share the truth
Hold back feelings
Let trouble go
Tell a neighbor
Question a neighbor
Hold a baby close
Watch the eyes
Position yourself
Defend the gospel
It's true, I had a conversation with God.

A Poem for the Lost

We would die with smiles on our faces from the mere sound of your voice,
touch of your hand, and glow from your eyes.

We would die with smiles on our faces for love like yours
is extraordinary in our world.

We would tumble over in pain from the overflow of butterflies in our stomachs.
Our blood vessels would swell and then burst from the vibration of your footsteps.

We would die for you are the Almighty teacher, friend, parent, sister, brother, and lover
in our lives.
And there is none greater than you!

We would just die if we had the chance to see your spirit, feel your power, and capture your love!

What's Inside of Me?

Created, manifested, edited, and rearranged
my life story
to try to fit
what others said I should become!

Thought about a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker
from a storybook of long ago.

Heard someone say a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, and an athlete
I knew that wasn't for me.

So I went to God to confirm my identity,
my destiny
meanwhile the world says
"you can't be rich."

So I kept my dream under lock and key for awhile
as I pursued what man said was best for me.

Told me my success was measured by dollars and cents
wouldn't ackowledge me as an expert without letters
didn't think much of me when I couldn't drive metal
said I was breaking the rules if I went off course.

Oh there is a river of words within me
streaming out daily
for I cannot rest
until I do my best
until I write my last word
until I give my last breath...

Can't leave it up to God to tell my story
that's why he called me
front page news give God the glory!

My name will be...
My Father I am
the first and the last
oh how they will remember me!

My face on television
the wealthy will speak my name!
My children will call me blessed
for I am highly favored
bought with a price
more than a conqueror
through Christ who strengthens me!

For seeds I have sown for so many years
are sprouting green because of my tears!
The ground beneath me a solid rock I stand
no devil in hell can shake me!

My blessing will be running over
my house will have more room than I need
my car will shine
and someone out there will call me "mine."

Then I will reflect on this day
of how he blessed me with an idea
that sold millions
that delivered thousands
that appointed hundreds
for many are called
but chosen are few.

So I wait...and I wait
as God serves me my plate
and I will feast in the presence of mine enemies.

God will restore what was stolen from me
God will bless me like he did Job
a new day is coming...
"God grant me the serenity..."
I remember the note I posted upon my wall
and the time will come that I will need it!

For the crowds are on their way
the lights will be flashing
the pain of not having enough
will be far gone from my head!

My heart will no longer be heavy
my children won't have to hear "no"
and God, oh yes God...will answer my prayers!