Major issues have been plaguing my mind lately as it relates to two subject areas: relationships specifically marriage (which I have been there done that and about to do it again!) and feminism. Keep in mind both issues are connected to one another for purposes of this blog entry.
So lets begin with the first issue I have with these so-called "relationships." I say so-called, because it isn't much of a relationship if he or she won't commit, isn't in love with you, cares more about the children than you, still in love with the ex, or has some unresolved deep personal and/or spiritual issues.
I have had to learn the hard way about everything that has happened in my life just as I'm sure many of my readers have had to go through some equally, if not, worse hard times. However, when we are going through times with the person we have dedicated our lives to, it can be emotionally taxing and might make us want to do any and everything but be with that person you once called, baby, sweetie, honey or love!
I can tell you that since I was a child I was a go-getter, the kind of child that would try to stay up late at night to complete any project I was working on. If it was a pencil drawing or creating what I deemed to be a house (made out of paper and cardboard) for my little toy people, I would try to stick it out until it was finished and cried if my mother or father interrupted with, "It's time to go to bed!"
It's funny, how as you become older, some things you don't grow out of -- determination never outgrew me. I will still stay up late at night if I am on fire about writing something I feel passionate about and I dare someone to bother me about going to bed which brings back to my point about relationships. I have a history of sticking relationships out even if they aren't necessarily healthy for me too.
So here I was up thinking about relationships while feeling this urge to write down my thoughts. I reason that some of the things that cause breakups between men and women, have a lot to do with a variety of feminism viewpoints that can be very divisive. Just think about all the statements you may have heard over the years, "I don't need a man! What can a man do for me? They are all the same! Act like them, do your own thing! Don't be submissive. Forget about love. You will always have your girlfriends. Women rule the world!"
One thing that contributes to breakups are know-it-all, bossy women who are diehard feminists. I can speak from experience and I can tell you that many of the women who have opened up to me about their drama in their relationships unfortunately are go-getters out of control! They expect their family and friends to do as they say and as they do! Think of the character, Terry, in the movie Soul Food, played by Vanessa Williams. Although beautiful, career driven and articulate, Terry couldn't satisfy her man like she could her wallet.
These women turn their nose up (like I have done in the past) when the pastor mentions women should be submissive to their husbands. They become angry and accuse any man who goes along with this concept "a sexist" and women who agree "weak." Women like this will go toe to toe with a man. Threaten to leave him, sex someone else, or abuse him. They will use player tactics used on them by controlling, domineering men as a way to get the upper-hand on the man they are trying to charm. They will initiate sex first, propose to a man, buy a man, and challenge other women about her man despite the fact that the more she does for him, the more she pushes him in the arms of another women. They are usually too book smart, too religious or too something else to be a honest helpmate to their man. They give much and expect much in return. When the man can't meet her needs, she stirs up drama in the household eventually causing both to want to explore other options.
I like the way one website illustrates my thought better than I could, according to the website Godsaidmansaid.com, "MAN SAID the bible has no relevance for today and that the submissive wife concept is ridiculous. According to mankind the ideal marital attitude is authority-sharing, the 50-50 plan. The modern psychology of today's wife is one of "liberated" female, who shares the throne in the home with her husband or even lords over him. She is free to and encouraged to pursue her own career for self-serving purposes, separate from her husband's and the needs of their family. However, when a wife does and must work outside the home and her husband is in agreement, she should not be faulted. Unfortunately for today's woman, she is rebelling against God's natural design. She was created to be a helpmate to her husband and the nurturer of the family and because of her disobedience she shall be met with frustration of purpose and failure. Her new separate and "liberated" mindset has caused tremendous confusion and contributed dramatically to the destruction of their home."
When I started studying the word for myself, I realized that God has a point. You can't run a household, organization, company, or anything else when everyone wants to be the boss. The 50/50 rule doesn't work in corporate America and it sure doesn't work on the home-front. Some will say, "Oh yes it does!" Really? If you look real close at your relationship someone is calling the shots more than the other and usually it's the woman nowadays. Men who have no understanding of their role will fight with the women not realizing that they in fact sat back and let her do all the work from the start of the relationship! So what does he expect? Then when she becomes frustrated that her man isn't doing anything to help her, she bad mouths him to friends, withholds intimacy, and he in turn pays her back by cheating, lying, spending up all the money, not being available to watch the children when she needs him to, stays out all night, etc. Sound familiar? It's no wonder that her man runs off with someone else who makes him feel like a king rather than a fool. Meanwhile, she feels as if she can do bad all by herself. Notice that is one of many reasons I pondered on regarding marital breakups, but there are many more and I can hear someone saying, "What about the man?" To that I say, we already know about the man and what he does and doesn't do, but when are we going to be accountable for some of the mess we start? (Notice I said some not all!)
Feminism may have worked well back in the day, but now we "feminists" are pumped with steroids walking arond calling the shots like we are men especially if we have came from abusive relationships. Just like there can't be two bosses in the home, there can't be two men either. Okay so this issue has been bothering me which means only one thing to me there is still work to do in that area of my life. Oh and here is the biblical scriptures to back up what I have been saying from the Godsaidmansaid website, be prepared to be offended because I was the first time I read them in the Bible years ago, Ephesians Chapter 5 Verses 22-25:
"22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;..."
Here are some more noteworthy items from the Godsaidmansaid.com website:
"Vast numbers of women have rejected the idea of marital submission and it continues to be rejected in a very aggressive way. Consider this: from 1970 to 1994 the divorce rate rose 300% and results of this breakdown have shown up in a myriad of places...Depression, which is a national epidemic, attacks divorced women very hard. A woman once divorced is nearly three times more likely to be depressed than her one-time married sister."
The site also reports, "General mental illness is nearly twice as high among the divorced verses their married or never-married counterparts. The divorced are nearly 450% more likely to suffer from loneliness and the list goes on. Plus, the problem of divorce greatly damages the children involved, up to the 3rd and 4th generations. Just one example is children requiring professional help for emotional or behavioral problems..."
Written by Nicholl McGuire
associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
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