Friday

Marriage + A Protest Against Submission = Divorce

Major issues have been plaguing my mind lately as it relates to two subject areas: relationships specifically marriage (which I have been there done that and about to do it again!) and feminism. Keep in mind both issues are connected to one another for purposes of this blog entry.

So lets begin with the first issue I have with these so-called "relationships." I say so-called, because it isn't much of a relationship if he or she won't commit, isn't in love with you, cares more about the children than you, still in love with the ex, or has some unresolved deep personal and/or spiritual issues.

I have had to learn the hard way about everything that has happened in my life just as I'm sure many of my readers have had to go through some equally, if not, worse hard times. However, when we are going through times with the person we have dedicated our lives to, it can be emotionally taxing and might make us want to do any and everything but be with that person you once called, baby, sweetie, honey or love!

I can tell you that since I was a child I was a go-getter, the kind of child that would try to stay up late at night to complete any project I was working on. If it was a pencil drawing or creating what I deemed to be a house (made out of paper and cardboard) for my little toy people, I would try to stick it out until it was finished and cried if my mother or father interrupted with, "It's time to go to bed!"

It's funny, how as you become older, some things you don't grow out of -- determination never outgrew me. I will still stay up late at night if I am on fire about writing something I feel passionate about and I dare someone to bother me about going to bed which brings back to my point about relationships.  I have a history of sticking relationships out even if they aren't necessarily healthy for me too.

So here I was up thinking about relationships while feeling this urge to write down my thoughts. I reason that some of the things that cause breakups between men and women, have a lot to do with a variety of feminism viewpoints that can be very divisive.  Just think about all the statements you may have heard over the years, "I don't need a man!  What can a man do for me?  They are all the same!  Act like them, do your own thing!  Don't be submissive.  Forget about love.  You will always have your girlfriends.  Women rule the world!"

One thing that contributes to breakups are know-it-all, bossy women who are diehard feminists. I can speak from experience and I can tell you that many of the women who have opened up to me about their drama in their relationships unfortunately are go-getters out of control! They expect their family and friends to do as they say and as they do! Think of the character, Terry, in the movie Soul Food, played by Vanessa Williams.  Although beautiful, career driven and articulate, Terry couldn't satisfy her man like she could her wallet.

These women turn their nose up (like I have done in the past) when the pastor mentions women should be submissive to their husbands. They become angry and accuse any man who goes along with this concept "a sexist" and women who agree "weak."  Women like this will go toe to toe with a man.  Threaten to leave him, sex someone else, or abuse him.  They will use player tactics used on them by controlling, domineering men as a way to get the upper-hand on the man they are trying to charm.  They will initiate sex first, propose to a man, buy a man, and challenge other women about her man despite the fact that the more she does for him, the more she pushes him in the arms of another women.  They are usually too book smart, too religious or too something else to be a honest helpmate to their man.  They give much and expect much in return.  When the man can't meet her needs, she stirs up drama in the household eventually causing both to want to explore other options. 

I like the way one website illustrates my thought better than I could, according to the website Godsaidmansaid.com, "MAN SAID the bible has no relevance for today and that the submissive wife concept is ridiculous. According to mankind the ideal marital attitude is authority-sharing, the 50-50 plan. The modern psychology of today's wife is one of "liberated" female, who shares the throne in the home with her husband or even lords over him. She is free to and encouraged to pursue her own career for self-serving purposes, separate from her husband's and the needs of their family. However, when a wife does and must work outside the home and her husband is in agreement, she should not be faulted. Unfortunately for today's woman, she is rebelling against God's natural design. She was created to be a helpmate to her husband and the nurturer of the family and because of her disobedience she shall be met with frustration of purpose and failure. Her new separate and "liberated" mindset has caused tremendous confusion and contributed dramatically to the destruction of their home."

When I started studying the word for myself, I realized that God has a point. You can't run a household, organization, company, or anything else when everyone wants to be the boss. The 50/50 rule doesn't work in corporate America and it sure doesn't work on the home-front. Some will say, "Oh yes it does!" Really? If you look real close at your relationship someone is calling the shots more than the other and usually it's the woman nowadays. Men who have no understanding of their role will fight with the women not realizing that they in fact sat back and let her do all the work from the start of the relationship! So what does he expect? Then when she becomes frustrated that her man isn't doing anything to help her, she bad mouths him to friends, withholds intimacy, and he in turn pays her back by cheating, lying, spending up all the money, not being available to watch the children when she needs him to, stays out all night, etc. Sound familiar? It's no wonder that her man runs off with someone else who makes him feel like a king rather than a fool. Meanwhile, she feels as if she can do bad all by herself. Notice that is one of many reasons I pondered on regarding marital breakups, but there are many more and I can hear someone saying, "What about the man?" To that I say, we already know about the man and what he does and doesn't do, but when are we going to be accountable for some of the mess we start? (Notice I said some not all!)

Feminism may have worked well back in the day, but now we "feminists" are pumped with steroids walking arond calling the shots like we are men especially if we have came from abusive relationships. Just like there can't be two bosses in the home, there can't be two men either. Okay so this issue has been bothering me which means only one thing to me there is still work to do in that area of my life. Oh and here is the biblical scriptures to back up what I have been saying from the Godsaidmansaid website, be prepared to be offended because I was the first time I read them in the Bible years ago, Ephesians Chapter 5 Verses 22-25:

"22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;..."

Here are some more noteworthy items from the Godsaidmansaid.com website:

"Vast numbers of women have rejected the idea of marital submission and it continues to be rejected in a very aggressive way. Consider this: from 1970 to 1994 the divorce rate rose 300% and results of this breakdown have shown up in a myriad of places...Depression, which is a national epidemic, attacks divorced women very hard. A woman once divorced is nearly three times more likely to be depressed than her one-time married sister."

The site also reports, "General mental illness is nearly twice as high among the divorced verses their married or never-married counterparts. The divorced are nearly 450% more likely to suffer from loneliness and the list goes on. Plus, the problem of divorce greatly damages the children involved, up to the 3rd and 4th generations. Just one example is children requiring professional help for emotional or behavioral problems..."


Written by Nicholl McGuire
associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Wednesday

What You Need to Know About Prayer and Fasting Shut -Ins

Someone told you they will be participating in a prayer and fasting service that requires them to stay overnight in a church and asked you to join, so what can you expect if you are attending a "shut-in" like this?

A Prayer and Fasting Shut-In is a great way for believers to come together to pray for one another as well as community, national and international concerns. The doors are not actually locked and people are not shut in all day unable to leave the church. Instead, everyone is welcome to come and go when the prayer and fasting period begins. But this special event is called a "Shut-In" because believers will usually stay up all day and night in the church praying and meditating on scripture until they receive a spiritual breakthrough—more on this later.

Although unbelievers are welcome to this event, it may be better for them to attend a regular church service before committing to staying overnight in a church. Someone not use to praying, talking, dancing, singing, or laughing with God may be uncomfortable being in this kind of service. Also, no one is allowed to eat during this time in the sanctuary, those who must eat are asked to go outside of the church. The reason for this is so that one can focus on God not on eating. To fast means that you are willing to abstain from something you would normally take pleasure in such as food, television, Internet use, or entertaining family and friends. Prayer and Fasting Shut-Ins are not meant to last for months. A personal fast can last as long as 40 days in the Bible. The period of fasting and prayer has been known to produce great spiritual breakthroughs. Many believers report everything from miracles, signs, and wonders during this time.

Unlike regular church service, you will not be entertained, you will be expected to pray and worship God. Believers will hold up their arms, bow, fall to their knees, lie down on the church floor, sing and do other things that will be discussed later.

Before accepting an invitation to participate, know what kind of church denomination is partaking in this activity. You may find that you don't agree with the way the Shut-In is being handled or it may go against your spiritual beliefs, if so, it's best not to attend.

Basic information is revealed to all members of the church body such as the date, time, location, who is hosting the event, and how long it will last. If someone doesn't provide this information to you in advance and information is not readily available to you when you request it, don't go until you get specific details.

If you do receive a program about the Shut-In, a specific protocol should be mentioned. The information should state things such as whether talking in the sanctuary is allowed, how old should children be if they are welcome, and warnings about turning off or silencing your cell phone during the prayer period. Also, rules for when and where to eat should be mentioned and other details such as those with a medical condition must eat outside of the sanctuary so that they are not bothering others. Issues like these are all distractions that can hinder someone's spiritual experience. During this time, leadership may allow participants to bring desk work to the church, sleep, journal, and meditate.

Program information should also list what you will be praying about as a group and mention the times allotted for you to pray individually and with others about concerns. There is also free time given to you to leave if you have to or do other things like read, pray around the property, or socialize with other believers.

There may be other things that you will be fasting from during this time as well, find out if there are any other things the leadership will be asking of the congregation besides what is listed in the program. Be certain that what they say aligns with biblical principles. You should never feel pressured or coerced to do something that would not be deemed righteous.

Before you participate you may want to know if local transportation is nearby. You may ride to the church with someone and realize during the fasting period that the person chooses to stay longer while you would like to go home. Before you choose to ride with someone to the church, take the time to jot down the phone number of the local cab service or find out what bus you need to catch before you commit to going. Take your note and cell phone in case you need it.

There may be speakers present during the prayer and fasting period that you are unfamiliar with; you may want to find out who is on staff at the church and who will be leading some of the prayer services. Since no one who stands before you in or out of the church is perfect, pray that God gives you a discerning spirit to incorrect teaching, a tough skin to negative comments which unfortunately do come from leaders as well as laymen, and the courage to rebuke anyone who is out of order.

Since a Prayer and Fasting Shut-In may go on through the night, you will need to know what to bring with you to the event. Pillows, sleeping bags, blankets, water, and other items are usually acceptable.

Unlike a hotel room, there is no privacy; you will most likely be sleeping on chairs or on the floor. Lights are usually dimly lit but bright enough for you to see what's going on around you.

The church hosting the Prayer and Fasting Shut-In may be open to spiritual gifts then again they may not. This information is crucial to know before you participate because you may feel led to openly worship God, speak in tongues, or share a prophetic word, but those in leadership may not be flexible. If they aren't, you may want to reconsider attending a prayer and fasting event that restricts the move of God. Spiritual gifts are signs of the presence of the Holy Spirit refer to the Book of Acts.

Creating an atmosphere to usher the presence of the spirit is acceptable. According to Biblical scripture men fasted and waited on God, see Romans Chapter 5. They also were blessed by God with various spiritual gifts. Although some people have more or less gifts, all are used by God, read I Corinthians 12. If there is a special gift from God you are hoping to receive, a Prayer and Fasting Shut-In is the perfect place to request it. However, avoid the temptation to be critical of others, mock, curse, or debate. People who cause unnecessary disturbances will be asked to leave.

When the opportunity is given to participants to share testimonies, prophetic words, songs, and other spiritual things, you will want to ask the leadership how long do you have to speak. Keep in mind that others will be listening, learning, and having a need to say something, so keep what you share brief. If you need more time, ask for it.

Sometimes the power of the spirit is so strong it may knock you off your feet, if this should happen you will want to know if there will be anyone around to cushion your fall or you may want to look out for others. There should always be someone watching to be sure no one hurts themselves.

Strange things tend to happen during any event that is hosting the presence of God, so with that said you will want to know basic things like where are the exit doors (if it becomes overwhelming for you or if an emergency situation should occur) and if there will be security present if someone or something gets out of hand.

For more information on Prayer and Fasting Shut-ins or starting one yourself, mention this article to your church leadership and print others about hosting such an event at your church. God bless!

Monday

Let Love Shine Upon a Face

Let love shine
upon a face
once filled with disgrace
when pain seemed too much to bear
when words were devoid of care
Let love shine upon a face!

No more running and feeling mad
crying alone looking sad
confused and acting bitter
displaying someone else's litter
Let love shine upon a face!

Days are so few
memories like morning grass dew
gone so very fast
good moments don't last.

So let love shine upon a face
be one of the first to finish the race
with arms held high
and a tear in your eye
wave goodbye to sadness
so long pain
God will stop all the rain!

Let love shine upon your face!

Sunday

Embrace the People Who Come into Your Life for a Season...

Embrace the new people who come into your life for a season, but when things seem to have come to an end, rather than work to keep them in your life, be willing to let them go. This is a message I have learned through experience.

When I think about what I have just written, the people who overstayed their welcome in my life comes to mind. Their welcome should have been canceled years ago, but I fought to keep them there! You see, I am usually the person that reaches out to others, I have my good memory to thank for this. I am the kind of person that will take you back to a time you may have forgotten about and bring you back to it again (those from my former elementary, high school and college know this by the photos I have posted in my social networking photo albums.) Depending on where you were during that time of your life, you may have good memories or bad, but I don't intentionally set out to hurt people. So when someone comes into my life or vice versa, rather than hold my hand up in a cross formation and wonder, "What does this person want with me?" I watch them like a movie; I listen and learn. What they say for the time being may be pertinent to my life then again maybe not.

But what happens when the friendship or relationship has served its purpose? A series of warnings also known as "red flags" come up. Everything from promise after promise to meet one another but your gut says "don't" and arguments about one thing or another while neither party is willing to compromise.

I am one of those who try to keep relationships and friendships going long after the expiration date. What do you think usually happens when you keep a carton of milk past the expiration date? You got it, it spoils! Then when you dump it out, it stinks! That's how expired relationships and friendships eventually work out! When this happens, I am usually the one losing the most money and/or time. If a person promises to call, but doesn't, I would try to keep in touch anyway even though the writing on the wall would say, "Keep away." If a loved one invites me somewhere I rather not go, I would sometimes go against my better judgment and go. There are usually warning signs when it comes to these expired relationships and friendships, but at times I would still "give them the benefit..." However, there are those times when doubt would kick in and the safety warning would blink "back away," sometimes I would put an end to those connections and sometimes I wouldn't. I am learning as I go along in this journey called, "Life."

Everyone who comes into our lives are just not "meant to be!" That's why when I see these large networks of people online who claim "friendship", these huge mega churches, and other gigantic organizations, I can't help but think how many people are really meant to be in that person's life/network/group. How many of those people you are trying to reach are really a waste of time and energy? While one is fighting with a negative person who should have been gone out of his or her life a long time ago never to be reached again, others are building worthwhile connections that are getting them somewhere.

When people are "meant to be" in our lives, they bring gifts not excuses, attitudes, disagreements, and fights. That's not to say that you won't disagree with your quality connections, because you will, but you must know when to take heed to warning signs that a person has overstayed their welcome in your life.

Just as I have picked my share of people to disconnect from, there have been others that have disconnected from me. Rather than, feel like this is some great loss or a bad reflection on the woman "I am," I consider it a blessing, because for every one person that leaves there are two more that come into my life whether on or offline. I have had discussions in the past about this issue of "seasonal" friends and most will say that the relationship or friendship started off great, but then took an ugly turn. I must say from personal experience that ugly turns are just warnings to avoid opening the doors up again to a person or group unless you absolutely must (and usually the "must" part falls under the category of family--sometimes you don't have much of a choice especially if you know you need to resolve matters that are affecting others in your family circle.) However, making peace doesn't mean be a fool!

Now some people may have never had an "ugly turn" experience, but that doesn't mean that these same people are significant to your destiny, so why create a bad experience to get them out or wait until it gets to a negative point in the relationship or friendship? Just step away quietly. You don't have to go out with a bang! I have had some people who came into my life with a bang and went out with one as well! There simply is no need to keep gathering around the table with Judas. How many times did Judas sit at the table with Jesus? (Hello!)

These days I am welcoming those who are meant to be while dismissing those who aren't and avoiding the temptation to open up anymore doors that were meant to be closed and stay closed years ago. Not every door should or needs to be open. I rather have two friends I know are "meant to be" (God's will) then have ten that aren't.

New Audio Spiritual Messages by Nicholl